The Mixed Up Brains of Lisa Weinstein

Middle School Graduation

Weird, strange, or terrifying dreams are, unfortunately, not an uncommon occurrence during the overnight hours, however, rarely do these dreams result in deep-rooted reflection.  In fact, more often than not, I barely remember the involved plot twists that take place as I toss and turn.

Yet, every so often, a dream will come along that hits at the core of my raw emotions and stays with me, emblazoned in my memory where I am forced to relive the nocturnal tale again and again.  A few weeks ago, I experienced such a dream, born, I am sure, out of a desperate desire to hold back time and keep my 14-year old daughter Melissa with me forever.

Thinking of Melissa's infant and toddler years always conjures a sad smile, full of delight at the precious child who remained attached to me 24 hours a day....and of the melancholy notion that those long ago treasured moments only remain alive through memories.

In my dream, my beautiful, 14-year old daughter became an infant again.  However, instead of joy at being able to relive her baby years, I experienced a sense of devastation and grief that is quite difficult to explain.   In this night-time world were things seemed so real, I came face-to-face with the realization that I would have to raise her all over, and that I would not lay eyes on my wonderful daughter for another 14, incredibly long years.

I would not see Melissa for 14 years.

Sob.

I woke with a start from the dream, and glanced at the clock, which told me only a few hours had elapsed since my head hit the pillow.  My husband Bob snored contented by my side, and all seemed....well, normal.  But yet, I had to check, I had to be sure.  I tiptoed into Melissa's bedroom, only to find her curled in a comfy ball, under four layers of covers, our cat snoozing happily by her side.

I let out a sigh of relief.

Although I will always miss the early years with my baby, my strange dream reinforced that clocks cannot be rewound...... and nor do I want them to be.  For I so treasure the phenomenal person my daughter has become and I want to hold onto who she is now, right now!

Last week marked an amazing milestone for my Melissa!  She donned a white gown and joined her classmates in the march to Pomp and Circumstance as they said their goodbyes to the middle school years.  After the ceremony, we took photos of Melissa and her friends, laughing, joking, and making memories to catch in a bottle to take out and relive as I pass through each stage of her life.

No longer do I long for days gone by, but rather, I relish each moment of the gift God gave me, my precious, 14-year old daughter.  Melissa, I love who you are, who you have become, and who you are destined to be.

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